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October 08, 2005
Blog Critique of "Nanette's Culture"
The introduction, while perhaps giving a clear indication of how the blog is structured, is not very appealing in its content and doesn’t necessarily draw me in, as the reader. I would definitely change it.
I think my vocabulary is sufficiently varied. I have a tendency to write overly long sentences and so I would double-check this when editing the essay and might also check that my word usage is appreciable to an US audience.
The blog is clearly structured and I think I communicated the ideas well. At the time I realized I was attempting to cover a lot of material and I still question the choices I made in content. Since I am so familiar with the events in my blog it is difficult for me to know whether I’ve given them sufficient context, I certainly attempted to do so.
If I were writing this as an essay specifically for credit I would make an effort to develop a thesis statement that limited the scope of the topic from “Nanette’s Culture” to something more manageable considering the length. I think it’s rather impossible to explain your entire culture, or in the essence of your person, in one or two pages.
All told, I think the blog is a solid one with tone, content and structure, that all say something about my culture.
~ Nanette
Posted by lcissavides at October 8, 2005 06:39 PM
Comments
Nanette, Your writing is strong, clear and your unique voice comes through. I particularly enjoyed your categorization of "identities" and your personal reflection interweaving with the political.
If you want to work on something, here is a suggestion. While I am not bothererd by your "overly" long sentences, try writing some short ones. Try to vary the rhythyms of your language. Try spurts or bursts of words, alternated with the flowing more legato sentences that you craft so well.
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